It happens to us all. You’re just out there, living your life, doing your thing, and someone you know compliments the shirt you have on. Or your boss tells you that you did great work with your last client. Or your mom says she’s always admired how good you are at telling stories or hosting parties. They, entirely well-intentioned and well-meaning, look to you with a smile on their face, happy that they have recognized you for being awesome.
And you smile back, partly because it’s just automatic and partly because that’s what is expected of you. And you say thank you. But you can’t stop there; the panic coming from inside forces you to continue speaking and brush off their kindness so that they don’t think that YOU THINK you’re all that great. The internal dialogue goes something like this: “Ah! They’re looking at me! Quick, say something self-deprecating and witty and they’ll move on.”
So of course you say that qualifying thing. You say, “Thanks, I’ve had this shirt forever, it’s not looking so great these days!” to point out that it’s not that cute after all. Or you say, “Thanks, boss, I’m really happy our team was able to close that deal.” so you don’t claim all the glory. Or you return the compliment, such as “No, I love your stories more! I must get it from you, Mom.” Sigh. Why can’t we just take a freaking compliment?
Now, I’m not saying let’s all be boastful assholes and all full of ourselves here, but I really do wonder- what has taught us to be so afraid of taking a compliment? Are we subliminally talking ourselves down because we don’t really think that we have a good taste in clothes or make really good cookies or have a way with kids? Or- do we KNOW that the compliment is based in truth but we wanting shy away from the attention? Do we just want to convince the complimentor and anyone else in earshot that we don’t take ourselves too seriously? Are we trying to keep THEM comfortable? Are we trying to keep OURSELVES comfortable? It’s probably a good combination of all of these things.
I don’t have the answers to these questions… oh, sorry… is that what you thought you were clicking on here? Oops, my bad. Sorry, kids, I’m still working on life in general just like the rest of the world. This is just a genuine observation from my life. And, let me just say- PLEASE give people compliments. PLEASE tell someone else that their kids are well-behaved or that their eye makeup looks great or that you really admire their taste in music. The world needs people who celebrate other people freely and often.
But maybe- the next time someone shines a light on you- maybe you could just say, “Thank you; I really appreciate that!”. Just give it a try. And I will, too. And maybe we’ll just promise to return the favor to someone else and pass it on. That sounds like a good place to start.
Hey, I’m Meghan
I’m here sharing content all about pursuing your own version of more and loving how you feel doing it. If that sounds good to you, stick around and let’s be friends!
